


Dye My Heart Deep Red

by aegicheezu



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Jonghyun is everyone's baby, Light Angst, M/M, Mostly Fluff, OT5, POV Multiple, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 18:03:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19978246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aegicheezu/pseuds/aegicheezu
Summary: Since he was just a moody, young teenager, Jonghyun has always had a soft-spot for X-Japan; but now, he’s traded his band shirts, spikey black hair, and eyeliner for a more polished, fresh-faced and pop-prince look and lifestyle. Still, his love for the visual kei band comes out in ways that even surprise his SHINee brothers – and he wonders if he can turn them into fans of the rock band, too.





	Dye My Heart Deep Red

**Author's Note:**

> (1) This fic is a gift for cosmyjae, who gave me the idea of writing a scene where Jonghyun paints while listening to X-Japan. Thanks babe! 
> 
> (2) I've been wanting to write a fic about Jonghyun's love and respect for X-Japan for a long time, and as a fan of the band for many years, I can see how they influenced him. So this writing project was very fun and special to me. The inspiration for this fic came from a post from twitter user @archivejjong in which Jonghyun is quoted thusly: 
> 
> “The singers that have had a huge influence on me are Michael Jackson, X-Japan, and Nirvana […].” 
> 
> Link to the full, original tweet: https://twitter.com/archivejjong/status/1126074223624183810
> 
> (3) each "section" is related to a specific song, and to to get a better idea of the music Jonghyun loves, I've added a hyperlink in each title so you can listen to them either as you read, or just after you read each one. If you've never heard of X-Japan or of hideto matsumoto, I hope this gives you even more insight into the heart of our precious moon prince. I've always seen so much of hideto in our jonghyun, so this was an especially fun and healing story for me to write.

  1. [Jinki: “I won, so I choose the music!”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykRcEztUOz8)



The five boys clamoured into the company car, with Jinki in the driver’s seat – he’d lost their game of kai bai bo – and Jonghyun triumphantly slid into the passenger’s seat – he’d won. The boys chorused their good-natured, feigned moans of displeasure as they piled into the backseat, and Jonghyun scrolled though his music library until he settled on a song he hadn’t listened to in some time.

The familiar electric guitar and fast drumming soon flooded the car and the boys immediately raised a fuss. Kibum groaned playfully, “Jjongie, really? Metal music?” Minho playfully thwacked Kibum’s arm, making Taemin laugh as he began to tap his foot to the rising guitar.

Jonghyun laughed. “It’s not _really_ metal, it’s a power ballad,” he corrected. “And besides, I won, so I choose the music! That’s our rule,” he looked over at Jinki, who simply smiled in agreement. “Jinki, you’re on my side, right?”

Jinki couldn’t help but side with him. “That’s our rule,” he agreed, parroting Jonghyun’s words. “Besides, the song is called _Weekend_ , right? And since it’s Friday, I think it’s a good song to play on our drive home.”

Jonghyun grinned cheesily towards the boys sitting in the backseat. “See?” he stuck his tongue out playfully, then patted Jinki’s thigh as he drove. “Thanks, babe.” The three boys in the back soon forgot their fake upset as Jonghyun began to sing along with the vocalist’s iconic falsetto; Taemin whispering to Minho how remarkable it was that his hyung could keep up with the piercing vocals so effortlessly. Jinki laced the fingers of his free hand with Jonghyun’s on his thigh and playfully squeezed when there was a rise in the music, making Jonghyun laugh. _How pretty you are when you’re singing like this_ , he thought lovingly. _It so unlike our own music, but… that’s what makes these times so much fun, isn’t it? We never get to see this side of you. How lucky we are... how lucky I am._

  1. [Minho: “Sorry, I didn’t realize how loud the music was.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rk3raqnkf4)



Before dance practice, each boy had his own ritual to prepare for the strenuous hours ahead – especially when they were preparing for a big comeback stage. It had been the same for years: Minho could always be found in the bath, water as hot as he could stand it; Kibum barricaded himself in his room and kept his feet up, flexed over his head against his wall, a facemask massaged into his skin. Taemin took up space in the living room, stretching like a ballerina all over the furniture, spinning and doing splits – and only sometimes breaking things. Jinki, to the amusement of the others, simply slept on the couch until right before they left their dorm for the practice room, sunglasses on his eyes and his feet sticking out over the edge of the armrest; and Jonghyun, without fail, spent the hours before an intense rehearsal in his room – large black headphones over his ears, music turned up to its maximum volume as he lay on his back on his bed.

 _Flowing into an endless night sky,_  
_I'll hold your tears… once more._  
_Oh, my Dahlia_  
_The sorrow that soaks your heart_  
_is becoming like the countless stars._  
  
_You don't know_  
_where you're going to,_  
_I'm expanded in hesitation._  
_I'll go beyond the sea of tears with my lonely wings._  
  
_You'll see blue sky..._  
_Even the shapeless dreams are good._  
_Shielding your eyes from tomorrow's wind,_  
_flap your wings… now_

As he listened to the familiar music, he closed his eyes and imagined what it might be like to sing one of X-Japan’s songs onstage. _Maybe not for our regular audience though_ , he smiled to himself. _But one day, wouldn’t it be fun? I’d love to meet them…_

As the song finished and quieted, Jonghyun was startled by a loud, steady knocking at his door. He leapt off of his bed and tossed his headphones down, music still blasting from them. He opened the door to see Minho, dressed after his bath; he had an exasperated expression, but it quickly melted away when Jonghyun playfully kissed his nose.

“What’s up?” Jonghyun asked, smiling as he ruffled Minho’s still-wet hair. “Did you have a nice bath? You smell good,” he cocked his head to the side.

“I’ve been banging on your door for _ages_ ,” Minho exaggerated, pretending to be annoyed with his boyfriend. “We have to go!” the taller boy held Jonghyun’s wrist. “What were you doing in there, hmm?” he pouted playfully. “Having fun without me?”

Jonghyun blushed. “No, nothing like that,” he motioned to his headphones; Minho held them up near his ear to listen, and he nodded and understood. “I like to listen to X-Japan before we practice, it hypes me up,” he explained. “Sorry, I didn’t realize how loud the music was.”

“It’s okay baby,” Minho wrapped an arm around Jonghyun’s slim waist. “Come on, the old man is waiting for us.”

  1. [Kibum: “What? You all sing in the shower too.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kV-kgzfOes)



It was a lazy Sunday – a rare thing for the boys; Jinki and Taemin had gone to the corner market for fresh ingredients for dinner, Minho was at the gym. Kibum was sketching in the living room, listening to Jonghyun sing in the shower. At first, he had sung songs Kibum knew well; he even had a rather cute habit of singing their own songs, which Kibum adored. But then, Jonghyun began singing a song that Kibum didn’t know – he craned his neck towards the direction of the bathroom to try hear his sweet voice better, but it wasn’t helping. But Kibum was curious; so, he set down his sketchbook and pens, and crept closer to the bathroom door, left slightly ajar. Curls of steam snaked out of the space, and Jonghyun’s voice echoed prettily off the tiled walls and into the hallway where Kibum now sat on the floor.

 _twinkling in the fragments of memory_  
_even tears and rain are swallowed in the sand_  
  
_hurry and go round_  
_even if you're shattering_  
_even if you're shredding your petals without bravery_

Sitting a little closer to the bathroom like this, Kibum remembered that he did, in fact, recognize the song Jonghyun was singing. _It’s hide’s song, isn’t it? How pretty it is in Jjongie’s voice…_ he smiled, tempted to sing along from outside the shower – but he decided against it, instead content to simply listen to the older boy’s honey voice singing an unfamiliar, but familiar, song.  
  
_go round, hurry merry-go-round_  
_without waiting for the next moment_  
_even if life is flooding you_  
  
_I'll see you again in the spring_  
_I'll see you again in the spring…_

As Jonghyun concluded the song, he shut the water off – the sudden silence brought Kibum out of his reverie, and he opened his eyes. With a soft smile on his face, he applauded as Jonghyun gently swung open the door to let the steam out. “That’s such a pretty song, hyung,” he complimented. “It’s hide, right? That Japanese singer you love?”

Jonghyun blushed a little as he tightened the towel around his waist. “Yeah,” he combed through his blonde hair with one hand. “Yeah, it’s one of my most favourite songs.”

“You put on quite a concert for me,” Kibum slipped past him to grab a smaller towel from the shelf, and gently rubbed his boyfriend’s hair. “I was about to grab my phone and record you. The acoustics in there are pretty great.”

At that, Jonghyun playfully hit the younger boy’s shoulder. “What?” he grinned. “You all sing in the shower too,” he let Kibum finish towel-drying his hair before kissing him softly on the cheek. “that’s the fun of living as five singers in one apartment. Somebody’s always singing.”

Kibum watched as Jonghyun turned his back to him, but kept looking at the younger boy through the mirror. They made faces at each other for a moment, enjoying the solitude while the others were out. “But that someone is almost always you,” Kibum couldn’t resist snaking his arms around Jonghyun’s small waist, beads of water still clinging to his olive-brown skin. “And you sing so beautifully, always.” He kissed the back of Jonghyun’s neck. Jonghyun flashed him a look through the mirror, and for a moment Kibum’s body was overcome with desire – until there was a rustling at the front door.

The boys groaned, and laughed. “Coming!” Kibum called out. _I’m going to kill whoever’s at that door,_ he thought.

  1. [Taemin: “I’m not painting the music, I’m painting the lyrics.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2he3PAXV2Jg)



After an intense schedule, after dinner, after arguing over who will do the dishes, after spending their entire day together, each boy retired to his own room for the night. All, that is, except for Taemin – he slipped into Jonghyun’s room when the older boy was washing the makeup off his face, intending on surprising him. When Jonghyun opened his bedroom door and saw his handsome boyfriend lying in wait comically on his bed, he burst out laughing.

“What are you doing?” he shut the door behind him, grinning wide and showing off his pretty teeth. “You look ridiculous.” He sat next to Taemin on the bed and ruffled the tall boy’s hair.

“Tuesday nights, you paint,” Taemin recited Jonghyun’s schedule back to him. “I wanted to watch you,” he smiled, sitting up and resting his chin on the other boy’s shoulder. “Is that okay?” He pressed a soft kiss to Jonghyun’s neck.

Jonghyun hummed, pretending to think for a moment. “Hmm,” he smiled, curling an arm around his waist. “Sure, baby.” He kissed him back, and for a moment they just sat there together in the silence. Satisfied, Jonghyun sighed and slipped off the bed, instructing Taemin to light an incense stick while he prepared his fresh canvas. Watching Jonghyun crouching on the floor, preparing his paints, Taemin wondered what the older boy would paint this time. He turned onto his stomach, chin cupped in his hands as he intently watched Jonghyun set up his things.

“You don’t paint in silence, do you hyung?” Taemin asked after a moment. “We can talk and stuff, right? I won’t distract you?”

Jonghyun looked back at him and smiled. “It won’t distract me at all, babe,” he explained. “But I’ll be listening to pretty loud music, so I don’t know how much talking we’ll get to do.” He smiled, and scrolled through his “painting” playlist until he found the song he wanted to start with. He carefully connected it to his little speakers, and winked at Taemin. “Might not be your style,” he cautioned. “But it’s mine.”

Taemin was about to ask what he meant by that, but soon the music that flooded the older boy’s bedroom was explanation enough. For a moment, Jonghyun simply sat and stared at the blank canvas, almost as if he was waiting for the music to tell him what to do; but soon, he picked up his brush and dipped it in the blue paint, and began to move it along the canvas, staining it.

 _Silent jealousy, don't you leave me alone,_  
_disarrayed in the sorrow._  
_I am decorated by a love that will not return,_  
_within the repeating loneliness._  
_Tell me true, wherever I go, I will love this anguish._  
_I still want your love, stop the love_  
_and erase the memories that bloom in confusion._  
  
_“I just wanted to stay with you._  
_I just wanted to feel your breath of grace._  
_I didn't know what to do, I couldn't say anything._  
_When consciousness returned,_  
_everything had been washed away_  
_by the tide of time, even you._  
_But the scars of memory never fade away._  
_I can't stop loving you..._

Taemin watched as Jonghyun’s strokes began to slow. He was confused; the music was fast – his heart raced as he listened. “Hyung,” he interrupted softly as the song concluded, motioning for Jonghyun to pause the playlist before the next one. “The music was so intense,” he slid off the side of the bed and took a closer look at what the older boy had begun to paint – a blue and purple scene, almost like a rainy dusk. “But your painting is so soft.” 

Jonghyun shrugged. "I’m not painting the music, I’m painting the lyrics,” he explained. "Sometimes it’s hard to look past the drums and guitar and piano and Toshi’s vocals, but the song itself is incredibly moving." 

Taemin made a face, trying to understand. “That’s why you like them so much, isn’t it,” he finally figured it out. “The outside is so different from the inside,” he wrapped his arms around Jonghyun’s small frame, and kissed his cheek. “The music is so like you,” he added softly, pressing their bodies close and feeling the warmth of the older boy’s back against his own chest. “You’re so poetic.”

“Am I?” Jonghyun smiled and kissed Taemin back, squeezing his arms tighter around him. “I’ve always wanted to be a poet.”

“You’re an artist, too,” Taemin motioned to the painted canvas with his chin. “My poet, my artist,” he cooed in his ear. “My everything.” 

  1. [All Together Now: “So please, watch the concert with me?”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbPr1oHO4Hw)



“So, what do you feel like watching, Jjongie?” Jinki asked, ruffling his hair. The blond boy had been in a little slump for most of the day, and when he got like that, his members were especially attentive and doting over him. Jonghyun pretended like he didn’t enjoy the extra attention, but deep down – well, not that deep down; everyone knew how he really felt – he loved it when the others, especially Jinki, took care with him.

He curled his legs in close to him where he sat on the couch, Minho’s hand on his thigh. “Actually, there is something I’ve been watching to re-watch for a little while,” he said after a moment of thought. “But I know it’s not Kibummie’s thing,” he shot his famous puppy eyes toward the younger boy sat next to him, his arm around his shoulders. Kibum snorted and laughed, earning a glance from Jinki.

“What is it, babe?” Kibum asked. “Whatever you want to watch is fine with me. You worked hard today,” he kissed his cheek. He squinted over towards Taemin, who was shirking his washing up duties in the kitchen. “Ya!” he shouted playfully. “Leave the dishes, I’ll finish them later. Come watch tv with us,” he cocked his head, beckoning Taemin come over to the couches.

“So, what are we watching? Jonghyunnie-hyung’s choice, right?” he climbed into Jinki’s lap on the couch and kissed him.

“Yup,” Minho confirmed. “So, what’ll it be tonight?” he squeezed Jonghyun’s thigh.

Jonghyun found the video online and hovered over the “play” button. “I’ve been wanting to re-watch the Last Live,” he explained. “It’s May, and…” his voice trailed off a little. 

“What’s up, baby?” Jinki asked softly, concerned by the sudden sadness in his boyfriend’s eyes.

“I always get a little sad around this month, since I was young,” he explained. “I know it’s stupid, I mean… I never even met him. But hide passed away in May, back in 1998 when we were just kids, and I’ve been wanting to watch his last concert with the band. It makes me feel better,” he sighed. “So please, watch the concert with me?” 

Minho nodded, understanding. “It’s okay,” he reassured. “It’s not stupid. We all know how much you love him; you don’t have to have met him for his absence to hurt.” The others nodded in agreement. “Besides,” he added, “I love watching you sing along.”

“You’ll sing with me, right?” Jonghyun asked sweetly, his voice a little surer than before.

“Of course,” Kibum added, resting his head against Jonghyun’s shoulder. “So come on, baby,” he took the older boy’s chin in his hand. “Smile for me,” he kissed him then, softly but purposefully. “You have the prettiest smile in the world.”

*

 _You say anything... say anything._  
_Now you’ve gone away,_  
_where can I go from here?_  
_Say anything... say anything..._

 _I believed if time passes,_  
_everything turns into beauty_  
_If the rains stop, tears clean_  
_the scars of memory away_

 _Everything wearing fresh colors_  
_Every sound begins playing a heartfelt melody_  
_Jealousy embellishes a page of the epic_  
_Desire is embraced in a dream_  
_But my mind is still in chaos_

_And..._


End file.
